В этой теме 24 ответа, 14 участников, последнее обновление Картинка профиля Ronaldo Ronaldo 12 года, 10 месяцев назад.

Let’s speak some English

  • Картинка профиля Ronaldo

    My dear ladies and gentlemen,
    It is an old friend of yours — Ronaldo. I know that it is not a good idea to write in English here, since you obviously would love to speak our great, allmighty and beautiful Russian language here. However, the name of the forum is printed in Latin and I hope that it is not a violation of the rules of the forum. Also do not forget, please, that I am very selfish and anybody who wtore my posts knows that I am an asshole indeed.
    Actually, I learned French in school and have a smattering of German. However, I have a special computer program which enables me to translate all I write in Russian into English before you could say Jack Robinson. My problem is that I am not able to understand English. I tried to record what Americans say and then to put a tape in the computer. It doesn’t work for some uncertain for me reasons. I had not problems with it before I fell in love with a girl who lives in the US. She comes sometimes here, but you have to understand that I cannot name her publically for ethical considerations. Anyway, I plan to fly to the USA and try to find her. I have no papers even for living here in Moscow, so I am going to live in Mexico for a couple of years, working as a groom, and then to cross the border with the US illegally. I positively need to know some English for my plan.
    My dear friends, could anybody write some words in English for poor Ronaldo? Just a couple of lines for my practice?
    From Russia with love, Ronaldo.

    Картинка профиля Bose-Gnom

    Я КВН смотрела как то на днях, может за прошлюю зиму выпуск, не знаю, так мне Пятигорск очень понравился.
    Роналдо, тебе тоже их выступление кого напомнило? <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —> <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —>

    Картинка профиля Ronaldo

    Не, я не смотрел. А почему ты подумала, что мне это что-то напомнило? <!— s:) —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!— s:) —>
    Что там было-то вообще?

    Ребята, у меня сегодня день рождения! <!— s:) —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!— s:) —> Почему меня никто не поздравляет?
    И в качестве-то хоть подарка можно пару слов на инглише забацать?
    Тут же есть народ оттудова, я знаю <!— s:) —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!— s:) —>

    Картинка профиля Yukka
    &quot;Ronaldo&quot;:1vu3blhj wrote:
    И в качестве-то хоть подарка можно пару слов на инглише забацать?
    [/quote:1vu3blhj]
    Happy Birthday, Rolando <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —>
    Картинка профиля Towelie

    What a load of bull <!— s:lol: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!— s:lol: —> How about you just tell us who you are and what you want?

    Also, you could make millions by putting your misterious "program" on the market. It does a pretty good job translating into English <!— s:lol: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!— s:lol: —> If not for a couple of typos, but well… you know how those things are <!— s:lol: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!— s:lol: —>

    Картинка профиля Moory

    to towelie:
    Keep yo hands of my man, sista! :punch:

    Картинка профиля posidelki

    Where did you get that program from? It does a great job! I really believed that YOUR English is that Good! WoW!!!

    Картинка профиля Ronaldo

    My dear friends,

    I have translated your posts in Russian with assistance of my program and it seems that it works good. Some sentences looks a bit strange, but I think that it is much more difficult to translate from English into Russian than vise versa. Russian is easy and even primitive while English is an international language and there are many redundant words in it.
    Now I can answer you. Thanks a lot for your posts! I can compare what you wrote in English with the Russian translation and I feel that my command of English is improving every minute. I hope that I’ll be able to write letters by myself very soon.

    Yukka, thanks a lot for your congratulations!

    Towelie,

    ”What a load of bull How about you just tell us who you are and what you want?”
    что за груз быка? Как об вы как раз скажете, кто вы есть и что вы хотите?

    oh, it is a very good question. I didn’t understand what it has to do with a bull, but I was just going to tell about me.
    I was born in South Africa in a family of an Algerian communist and a Dutch duchess. Of course, my real parents were another persons, but I cannot name them here for obvious reasons. Anyway, the party’s money enabled me to get necessary papers and I was registered as a white person which was needed for getting a good upbringing in South Africa of those days. However, the party suggested to send me to Europe and our family removed there. After graduating from a first-class catholic school in North Italy I was sent to North Korea (after living so long in South Africa and South Italy I dreamed about snow and white bears) to learn the fundamentals of practical communism. I was fascinating by socialism, but some restrictions on democracy in the country forced me to remove to the SU and continue my fight for freedom and social equality there. I was solemnly adopted by the Russian communist party (that time I didn’t know yet that they are traitors of the international course of Marxism-Leninism and the leaders of the party openly buy limos for themselves, while American workers fight for their rights). I am not a bit disappointed in communism and still believe that everybody is born for freedom, equality, brotherhoodness and a cup of rice everyday, but I decided that if even our communist leaders are not blameless persons I can take a break in my fight too. Can I let alone my communist comrades for a while and go to the US for embracing and kissing my sweetheart? — asked I myself. Then I repeated the question to the general secretary of the Russian communist party comrade Zuganov. Sure, he said, but don’t spend too much money of the party. ‘It is not your f..ing business’ was my answer and I began preparing for the trip. Have I made things clear?

    Towelie,

    Also, you could make millions by putting your misterious "program" on the market.
    Так же, вы могли бы делать миллионы вставляя вашу мистерийную программу на рынок.

    Really? I need money desperately.

    “It does a pretty good job translating into English If not for a couple of typos, but well…”
    она делает хорошенькую работу, транслируя в английский, если не для пары опечаток, но хорошо.

    Damn, what a shit program they gave me? Does it really makes typos? It seems that I have to buy a spelling program too… All these programs are made with the one and only aim to get more and more money from you. You buy a program and then you find out immediately that you need another one. All this capitalist world is a gang of swindlers.

    Moory,

    Keep yo hands of my man, sista!
    держи ё руки от моего мужчины, систа.

    My dear Moory, please do not worry! You won my heart once and forever. Of course, I love Virinea and Towelie too, but they are much more like sisters for me. Of course, it is possible that I would kiss a girl or something like this — as the Russians say, a man is a man in Africa too — but it is only you whom I see in my dreams.

    Виринея,

    Where did you get that program from? It does a great job!
    где ты получил что программу из? Это делает великую работу!

    I have bought a Russian version of the program at Gorbushka. Do you have such shops in the US? It is a great place. There are slogans which appeal for fighting piracy everywhere and you can buy everything very cheap there. It is great when you can buy an absolutely legal version of a program which costs several hundreds of bucks for 3-4 dollars. I think that it is a real socialism and it is good.

    “I really believed that YOUR English is that Good! WoW!!! .
    Я правда верю, что твой английский что хорош! Во-во! “

    Oh, thanks… You know, believe me or not, I wrote a sentence in a letter by myself. Guess which one. Anyway, I plan to teach myself to write in English fluently within a year or two.

    Картинка профиля Moory

    &#1057;&#1083;&#1080;&#1096;&#1082;&#1086;&#1084; &#1091;&#1078; &#1086;&#1085; &#1091;&#1084;&#1085;&#1099;&#1081;. (&#1055;&#1086;&#1076;&#1086;&#1079;&#1088;&#1080;&#1090;&#1077;&#1083;&#1100;&#1085;&#1086;) &#1063;&#1090;&#1086; &#1090;&#1086; &#1089; &#1085;&#1080;&#1084; &#1103;&#1074;&#1085;&#1086; &#1085;&#1077; &#1090;&#1072;&#1082;. &#1058;&#1072;&#1082; &#1085;&#1077; &#1073;&#1099;&#1074;&#1072;&#1077;&#1090;. <!— s:roll: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" title="Rolling Eyes" /><!— s:roll: —> &#1053;&#1072;&#1074;&#1077;&#1088;&#1085;&#1086; &#1080;&#1083;&#1080; &#1076;&#1077;&#1085;&#1077;&#1075; &#1085;&#1077;&#1090;, &#1080;&#1083;&#1080; &#1090;&#1088;&#1072;&#1093;&#1072;&#1077;&#1090;&#1089;&#1103; &#1089;&#1082;&#1091;&#1096;&#1085;&#1086;. &#1048;&#1083;&#1080; (&#1074; &#1091;&#1078;&#1072;&#1089;&#1077;) &#1080; &#1090;&#1086;, &#1080; &#1076;&#1088;&#1091;&#1075;&#1086;&#1077;

    Картинка профиля Cluequa

    Ronaldo, llloved your stories. <!— s:!: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_exclaim.gif" alt=":!:" title="Exclamation" /><!— s:!: —> А нельзя ли еще чего на Dutch изобразить? Для целостности образа. <!— s:?: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_question.gif" alt=":?:" title="Question" /><!— s:?: —>

    Мури, а пущай и то, и другое — who cares? <!— s:) —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!— s:) —>

    Картинка профиля Ronaldo

    My dear friends,
    For one thing, my translating program doesn’t work anymore. To my great upset, it turned out that it was an illegal copy and after 2 weeks of the excellent functioning it refused to work. Well, maybe it is not bad after all. I have a good grammar guide and a dictionary with all words I need. I think that after some practice I will be able to write a post, without spending more than a day or two for it.

    Слишком уж он умный. (Подозрительно) Что то с ним явно не так. Так не бывает. Наверно или денег нет, или трахается скушно. Или (в ужасе) и то, и другое

    Damn, whatever wise a person could be, a woman is always wiser. Yes, I am a very clever person, but I have written tons of paper and my Moory said everything in a couple of words.
    Indeed, I have no money and I am very bad at trahanje (alas, I was not able to find this word in my dictionary). No wonder. My last spy mission was working as an aide of the Russian ambassador in Mozambique. I had to pal with wives of the local businessmen and politicians and steal American military secretes. There was a huge American military base in Greece — not far from the Capital of Mozambique Abidjan. Actually, I tried to limit myself with hugging and kissing and turn over a conversation to the military secrets immediately, but African women so hot and sexy that it was not easy. I am so sorry for it, Moory. First, I didn’t know you that time yet, so if I was unfaithful to you a hundred or two times, it is not me who is to blame for it. I just served my country and I didn’t know that my sweat-heart would be from America. No doubt I would spy against somebody else. I am quite unprincipled person and I can spy for anybody and everywhere. As long as my communist ideals are not concerned, of course. I think that sooner or later all the world will be a part of the great and renewed Soviet Union. Well, maybe we will have Washington as a capital and adopt English as a language of the inter-national communication. As for me I would prefer Montreal, but Beijing would be OK too.
    Coming back to trahanje, I am a very strong and attractive man as before, but after my African mission my doctor said that in my place he wouldn’t even dream about any interest to the subject for next couple of years.
    Moory, do you trust doctors? Of course, when I see you I’ll forget about Africa and anything else. I think that if I solve the first problem everything will be ok.
    By the way, Moory when do you send me your photo? I would prefer bikini one, to be frank.

    Cluequa,

    ‘Ronaldo, llloved your stories’

    Oh, I love them too. Thank you so much for your warm words!
    As for Dutch, the problem is that I spoke fluent Dutch as a child. However after removing in Belgium I forgot it completely. It was a project to send me in Sweden. The soviet authorities planned to provoke the WWIII and to try to persuade Swedes to join the NATO. Then we could declared a war against Finland accusing Swedes of the reestablishment of the Empire of Carl the Great. My mission was to perform some heroic deed (well, it might me a rescue of a dozen of people in a see crush or something like this) and then as a hero of Swedish people call them at the central square of Uppsala for the crusade against communism. We were rehearsing the speech for several hours everyday and if you like I can write you a letter in good Swedish.
    However, the party decided that the NATO was not an interesting organization to fight against and I was sent in a high economic school where I forgot Algerian, French and Swedish completely too.

    Мури, а пущай и то, и другое — who cares?

    Sure, sure. I think it is quite OK for a typical modern man. Do not forget that a good spy should not differ much from an average person. It may catch somebody’s eye if he looks too different from the crowd .
    Could you say a couple of words about you? What are you doing for living?

    My dear friends, I will be waiting for the next weekend to see you again!!!

    Картинка профиля Sonet

    Еше один Robert Hanssen <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —>

    Картинка профиля unbreakable
    &quot;Ronaldo&quot;:123juwc3 wrote:
    Damn, whatever wise a person could be, a woman is always wiser. [/b:123juwc3]Yes, I am a very clever person. My last spy mission was working as an aide of the Russian ambassador in Mozambique. There was a huge American military base in Greece — not far from the Capital of Mozambique Abidjan[/b:123juwc3]. !![/quote:123juwc3] Конечно. Я — женщина, а столица Мозамбика — Мапуту. Все женщины об этом знают <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —> Не говоря уж о "Greece — not far from the Capital of Mozambique". Ещё один свистун.
    Картинка профиля Towelie
    :2ifblm9t wrote:

    Do not forget that a good spy should not differ much from an average person[/quote:2ifblm9t]
    You blend right in <!— s:mrgreen: —><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":mrgreen:" title="Mr. Green" /><!— s:mrgreen: —>

    Картинка профиля Cluequa
    &quot;Ronaldo&quot;:12h1n5wo wrote:
    if you like I can write you a letter in good Swedish.
    [/quote:12h1n5wo]

    Ronaldo, I would like that very much indeed.

    Honestly, who wouldn’t?!

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